Self-aware Humor Fan Pillows

"So this is it...the last day of my favorite comic strip."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trappist Monk Discord

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Amateurs."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'What does it say, Dad?'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

How men process questions.

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."