Self-aware Humor Fan Pillows

"So this is it...the last day of my favorite comic strip."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Trappist Monk Discord

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Amateurs."

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'More government surveillance!'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

How men process questions.