Self-conscious Humor Fans Pillows

Shy Man at Nudist Beach

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Tequila Mockingbird

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

Can't even hold signs well.

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Guess who's teething?'

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'Henry, cut that out.'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"God help us, it's that guy."

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

Under New Mismanagement

"What?!"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Beer Lunch

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Make your own bottled water.

Sawrd Fighting

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

I told you not to touch its belly.

Pastoral Choirs

Psycho-plankton.

Privatization and Deregulation are the gas in the engine of the economy.

"I hate when this happens."

My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actuall