Self-deprecating Humor Fans Pillows

'I know. My driver's license photo is sooooo ugly.'

"Each of us suffers from ignorance, it's just that in my case it covers more areas than most people's."

Cool comb over dude!

Can't even hold signs well.

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"God help us, it's that guy."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

"No, no, you go on - I'm gonna spend some time on the bleach!"

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

'You swam with dolphins?! I'm impressed.' 'Don't be. They laughed at my butterfly stroke. Dolphins can be quite cruel.'

'Our family is so ugly, we keep the negatives instead of the pictures in the photo album!'

Bad Scalp Day

"I'd remind you not to fly too close to the sun, but no one's ever accused you of aiming too high, have they?"

'What have you got to say for yourself? Or would you rather hear about me?'

'- and I was so embarrassed last night, you danced like a man with two left fe----!!!'

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

Toupee shop showcases hairy head covering.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you - does this suit make me look fat?"

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."

"I'm sorry, but we can't be responsible for which way the arrow points."

"I should warn you. Men are animals, and I'm no exception."

'What's your idea of the perfect woman? One that likes short, fat, middle-aged men.'