Self-deprecating Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

'That's nothing if you want to see a bad drivers license picture, take a look at mine.'

"I should warn you. Men are animals, and I'm no exception."

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

Can't even hold signs well.

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"God help us, it's that guy."

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

"Your job could be worse and I'm open to any suggestion to make it so."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Al, I hear that only one out of 100 art school graduates goes on to make a living in art. That's where I was smart, Axel: I flunked out!

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

No Layoffs Next 200 Miles

Drücke dein Glück: Covid-Testausgabe

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

Paris clean up before Olympics

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

G. BarnDollar: Bought at 7,600. . . Sold at 16,500.

'Our family is so ugly, we keep the negatives instead of the pictures in the photo album!'

Tony Hayward.

'You swam with dolphins?! I'm impressed.' 'Don't be. They laughed at my butterfly stroke. Dolphins can be quite cruel.'

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

"And the tattered ghost of Ayn Rand gobbled up everything on Earth and fluttered home to roost in eternal darkness."

Bad Scalp Day

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'