Self-deprecating Humor Fan Pillows

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Guy on park bench, his t-shirt reads 'I'm with stupid'.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Can't even hold signs well.

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Seriously, Baldo, you like a girl and she likes you back, nature takes its course. Don't worry about it."

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

Hairdryer blows man's wig off his head.

'- and I was so embarrassed last night, you danced like a man with two left fe----!!!'

'You swam with dolphins?! I'm impressed.' 'Don't be. They laughed at my butterfly stroke. Dolphins can be quite cruel.'

'What's your idea of the perfect woman? One that likes short, fat, middle-aged men.'

"Amateurs."

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'My arms are getting shorter.'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

"From one to ten, ten being the worst, describe how poorly drawn and antiquated this pain chart is."

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

Bad Scalp Day

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

'Our family is so ugly, we keep the negatives instead of the pictures in the photo album!'

"I'd remind you not to fly too close to the sun, but no one's ever accused you of aiming too high, have they?"

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you - does this suit make me look fat?"

Toupee shop showcases hairy head covering.

'What have you got to say for yourself? Or would you rather hear about me?'

'I don't have to laugh... this show laughs at itself!'

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

Cool comb over dude!

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."

"I should warn you. Men are animals, and I'm no exception."