Self-deprecating Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

Al, I hear that only one out of 100 art school graduates goes on to make a living in art. That's where I was smart, Axel: I flunked out!

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"This is so stupid...why would Smiley go on a date with me?"

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

Trappist Monk Discord

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What does it say, Dad?'

HELLth Food Sprouts

Can't even hold signs well.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Clone Factory

Trump Tariffs

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Pokemon Get Lost

"Inactivists"

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

Vocabulary Glossary for Libya