Self-aware Jokers Pillows

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

"But is it Organic?"

"The Seven Warning Signs of Seven Warning Signs"

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

"There is no 'virtual arrest button', you'll have to get off your butt and do it manually."

'No, I mean, what's a 'letter'?'

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'

'I never know what to do with my hooves at a party.'

'It was a gift from AARP.'

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

'I can tell when it's getting close to New Year's.. my liver starts to quiver.'

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

''Earn our bread by the sweat of our brow'? -- is that sanitary?'

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

Lightning Bug Bullies

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

'We're rich beyond our wildest dreams. We've struck printer ink!'

'Here, hold my dentures.'

'Wendall just had a great insight. He realised he's full of baloney.'

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

STRIP Hambone: Safety on your PC

E-Vote

"Bluetooth costs extra."