Self-aware Jokers Gifts

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

Google signwriter.

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

"But is it Organic?"

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

"The Seven Warning Signs of Seven Warning Signs"

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

'No, I mean, what's a 'letter'?'

"There is no 'virtual arrest button', you'll have to get off your butt and do it manually."

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'

'I never know what to do with my hooves at a party.'

'I can tell when it's getting close to New Year's.. my liver starts to quiver.'

'It was a gift from AARP.'

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

I call it "Self-portrait in Quicksand."

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

Lightning Bug Bullies

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

Number 6 did it.

''Earn our bread by the sweat of our brow'? -- is that sanitary?'

'We're rich beyond our wildest dreams. We've struck printer ink!'

'Wendall just had a great insight. He realised he's full of baloney.'

'Here, hold my dentures.'

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

"Bluetooth costs extra."

STRIP Hambone: Safety on your PC