Self-improvement Jokers Gifts

Common excuses of large people: 'Inside me is a beautiful person trying to get out.' ('Yeh, he ate me too!')

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

When life gives you lemons...

After many years of wavering Dennis finally makes the decision to step out of his comfort zone.

A push in the right direction: 50c.

"You emptied your mind already? That was quick."

Learn yourself English.

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. That's a relief! How much can they expect out of your on your first day?

"Authenticity, little buddy. That's the secret to success in love, in the workplace... in everything."

"If I had known I was going to evolve, I would have worked on my beach bod."

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

"I'm always committing to things I know I can't follow through on."

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

"In order to be free I had to make certain adjustments."

New years resolutions

'Remember, Spivack - laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and it moves in for the kill.'

Wisdom for dummies

"Then on a lark, I made the foolish mistake of writing a program that did what I did."

Brain Charger