Self-deprecating Jokers Pillows

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

"The Seven Warning Signs of Seven Warning Signs"

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

Bad Scalp Day

'Our family is so ugly, we keep the negatives instead of the pictures in the photo album!'

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

Cool comb over dude!

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you - does this suit make me look fat?"

'It was a gift from AARP.'

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."

"I should warn you. Men are animals, and I'm no exception."

"I'm sorry, but we can't be responsible for which way the arrow points."

'I've not had enough sex in my life - and I can't do poetry for toffee. . .gosh, could I murder a coffee.'

Dog with recurring nightmare.

'Loser on Board'

Lightning Bug Bullies

"Society is so PC these days - I can't even poke fun at myself without offending someone."

Books called: "Will Never Be Finished", "Ain't Gonna Happen", "Nope" etc.