Self-image Sleuth Gifts

Now that I'm sixty five, I've come to a decision - I'm getting a toupee.

"Nice haircut."

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

For $10 I'll show you how you're ugly.

"What does she have that I don't?"

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I'm thinking of changing my parting."

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Cosmetic surgery.'

"Look, I still fit into the fitted sheet I wore when we met."

The company lawyer's self-image vs the boss's self-image.

TV-Mirror.

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"My self esteem is low ... how come I never got hacked?"

"It doesn't matter if anyone believes in you. . . what's important is that you believe in yourself!"

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

"So tell me - what makes you think you're a 'monster'?"

Well there's something you don't see every day...

Cartoon Panel Discussion

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

"Stock photo, right?"

"I feel more quaint than wicked."

Does this skirt make it look like sexy fat?

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

"Don't make me look fat!"

"I ask you doctor, would any normal person wear this hat?"

"Well, Mr. Trouble, it's likely your low self esteem is linked to your given name."