Self-image Critic Gifts

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

"I might take a rain check."

"Nice haircut."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"What does she have that I don't?"

TV-Mirror.

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

'Cosmetic surgery.'

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

"He's brilliant, exactly like me, and a lower paid version."

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

Cartoon Panel Discussion

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

"Stock photo, right?"

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

How people who have plastic surgery see themselves...

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"-But APART from 38" 22" 36" what else do you want to be, Cynthia?"

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

'Admit it, Henry, you only love me for my hair.'

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

'I'll take THIS mirror.'

"I'm trying to find that perfect piece of art that will make me think I know something about art."

'He wants to look slightly mysterious and menacing.'

'I'd like to buy a frame that adds youth to a portrait.'