Self-image Philosopher Gifts

Unrealistic Beauty Standards

'Distorted self image.'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"Does this beer make me look fat?"

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

'I'm old and plump! Why didn't he love me??!!'

Too many great complexions travel under false colors.

Barry was Bald and He suffered from a Split Personality Disorder

'I love going to the beach with you, Steve...you make me feel so thin!'

Outsize Man, Downsize Man.

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

"Nice haircut."

"That's a big fat lie!"

"What does she have that I don't?"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

'Cosmetic surgery.'

TV-Mirror.

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

Cartoon Panel Discussion

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

"Don't make me look fat!"

"Stock photo, right?"

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

"I was just talking to Charlie Rose in my head."

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

"-But APART from 38" 22" 36" what else do you want to be, Cynthia?"

How people who have plastic surgery see themselves...