Self-image Ponderer Gifts

Woman stranded on a desert Island with nothing but chocolates and weighing scales

'Does my bum look big on this'

"Nice haircut."

My routine.

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

"That's a big fat lie!"

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"What does she have that I don't?"

For $10 I'll show you how you're ugly.

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"I'm thinking of changing my parting."

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"Look, I still fit into the fitted sheet I wore when we met."

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

TV-Mirror.

'Cosmetic surgery.'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'Does my bum look big in this?'

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

Well there's something you don't see every day...

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

Does this skirt make it look like sexy fat?

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"Stock photo, right?"

Cartoon Panel Discussion

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

Out of condition man in front of mirror which makes him look slim.

'Am I bald?'

How people who have plastic surgery see themselves...