Self-image Ponderer Pillows

Woman stranded on a desert Island with nothing but chocolates and weighing scales

'Does my bum look big on this'

"Nice haircut."

My routine.

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

"That's a big fat lie!"

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"What does she have that I don't?"

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

For $10 I'll show you how you're ugly.

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

TV-Mirror.

"Look, I still fit into the fitted sheet I wore when we met."

'Cosmetic surgery.'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'Does my bum look big in this?'

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

Well there's something you don't see every day...

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

Does this skirt make it look like sexy fat?

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

"Stock photo, right?"

Cartoon Panel Discussion

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

Out of condition man in front of mirror which makes him look slim.

"That one goes particularly well with you tie."

"-But APART from 38" 22" 36" what else do you want to be, Cynthia?"

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

"I liked the scale better before we leveled the floor. It read ten pounds lighter on a slant."