Self-image Analyst Gifts

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

'I can't figure out why I'm not losing weight. All I eat is salad.'

"-But APART from 38" 22" 36" what else do you want to be, Cynthia?"

Cartoon Panel Discussion

"Stock photo, right?"

My Rug Hell

At The Museum of Contemporary Egotistical Photograhy

"Nice haircut."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

For $10 I'll show you how you're ugly.

"What does she have that I don't?"

"I'm thinking of changing my parting."

"Look, I still fit into the fitted sheet I wore when we met."

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Cosmetic surgery.'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

TV-Mirror.

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'I envy your metabolism.'

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

Well there's something you don't see every day...

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

"It seems the broadness of your mind and the narrowness of your waist have changed places."

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

Does this skirt make it look like sexy fat?

"Don't make me look fat!"

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

'Am I bald?'

Out of condition man in front of mirror which makes him look slim.