Self-perception Analyst Gifts

'So, how long have you had this delusion that you're a psychiatrist?'

'Did you see that? I'm the same weight now as I was when we were at school together!'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

"Nice haircut."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

'The polls say we're managing all of the people all of the time.'

'Perhaps it's time we re-branded.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

Cartoon Panel Discussion

"Stock photo, right?"

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

'I'm a good ape, but I've never really been a great ape.'

"-But APART from 38" 22" 36" what else do you want to be, Cynthia?"

Nice toupee, Dr. Kapuchnik. But … is it honest? At least a toupee is honest about its dishonesty, Al. Compared to what? A beret.

'You lie!'

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

Mirror Mirror on the Wall...what happened to you?

'Your mirror's cracked.' - 'No, that's your head.'

"I reckon he's compensating for something."

'My problem is that I'm a nice guy.'

My routine.

My Rug Hell

What men and women see when they look in the mirror.

'I can't figure out why I'm not losing weight. All I eat is salad.'

'An extra pound here and there, a little sag, a little bulge, but I'm still the same hunk you married, right Ethel?'

"My birthday is coming up in a couple of days - don't you think you'd better get busy and take up a collection for my gift?"

Now that I'm sixty five, I've come to a decision - I'm getting a toupee.

'Have you seen me? Nevermind that, have you seen yourself lately? You look like crap.'

I want you to assess your own abilities on a scale of one to ten, - 'Okay,' - 'Intelligence,' - 'Five,' - 'Confidence' - 'Five,' - 'Social Skills' - 'Five,' - 'Why do you think you've rated them all as five' - 'I forgot to ask if ten was good or bad,'