Self-care Satire Fans Gifts

"Tan O'Clock Salon. Your key to maintaining a healthy afterglow in the afterlife."

"You know, there are other emojis."

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

Recipes for comfort drinks.

Bald Man Overcomb

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

'I believe in the free enterprise system. I haven't paid for anything in the past 27 years...'

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

Bald man with a brush on his head

"He's a mental-health critic."

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

Bald man polishing head

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

"I don’t remember there being a tip jar the last time we were here."

Let's start a book group to read stuff that will help us cope with our lives. Like? You know: Self-help books on housekeeping, child-rearing and navigating difficult workplace situations. Suggestions? Yeah. Jane Eyre, Gone with the Wind and The Devil Wears Prada. The great books series.

"Worm puree? No, it seems the old lady was sh*tfaced again last night!"

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'

Holy water cooler moments

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

Bald hairdresser recomending hair restoring lotion

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

'Better call me Sir in the office dear - I don't want the staff to know that I send my wife out to work...'

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

"A touch more obsequious and you'll reach the tipping point."

Health Care Parade

"Ted's flamboyantly straight."

'Steward, this fellow hasn't spoken for a week. Be a good chap and feel his pulse will you?'

'Fred and Wilma live in a house.'

Weight loss programme.

"Just a glass of wine with breakfast, officer."

"I always feel like a third and fifth wheel in social situations."