Self-care Satirists Gifts

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Bald Man Overcomb

New from Lockdown Press

GPs could be forced to switch IT systems onto new NHS digital contract

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

NHS Efficiency Drive

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

Bald man polishing head

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

'Oh, great... Big date tonight and I've got a zit on my nose.'

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

Energy Drinks

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'...and would you like to upgrade today's payment with your x-rays on a t-shirt, coffee mug, or photo package?'

Bald hairdresser recomending hair restoring lotion

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

'Yes, they're my own teeth. I paid the dentist for them myself.'

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

"This is all Obama's fault! If he hadn't invented the Affordable Care Act, we wouldn't be in this mess..!"

'Which health plan are you on?'

'How are you feeling apart from the fever?'

'Need some kidneys.'

Regulators claim practices are overloaded with patient surveys.

Cat Self-Help Support Group

"Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn't enough."