Self-care Comedian Gifts

Shaving with a Very Sharp Blade

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Dummies for Dummies.

Bald Man Overcomb

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

New from Lockdown Press

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

'OK, here are the rules: We can't be seen by humans and can't leave droppings around, otherwise, they'll close the restaurant...'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

Bald man polishing head

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

'Oh, great... Big date tonight and I've got a zit on my nose.'

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

Now sanitize the lamp and yell your wishes.

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

Bald hairdresser recomending hair restoring lotion

'If his chart dips down to 15 here, he'll start emitting a hellish, non-stop squeal.'

'Surgeon General's warning on junk food! Lighten up a little!'

"I'm not sure what an extra strength placebo is!"