Self-help Humorist Gifts

'I'm still having self-loathing issues... today I un-friended myself...'

'Encumbered by low self esteem, Raymond takes a job as a speed bump.'

"We don't go to therapists-we just watch them on TV."

Wino, reading book, "The power of positive drinking"

"I asked You, in the nicest possible way, to make me a better person, but apparently You couldn't be bothered."

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

Dummies for Dummies.

"On reflection I think that delegating my life was probably a bad idea."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

'Actually, it's good, old fashioned, chicken soup.'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

New from Lockdown Press

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

Bald man polishing head

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

New years resolutions

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

Narcissus

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

'Is that the trebuchet?'

!I haven't a clue what they are, but I don't like the look of them."

"I'm at the office party."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"I believe doctors write too many prescriptions, Mr. Martin. I'm writing you a sonnet."

'The swelling well receed in a few days and the racket should slide right off.'

'That's your limescale problem sorted.'

'I hit my thumb with a hammer.' - 'Well, it wouldn't happen if you hold the hammer with both hands.'

Get well soon.