Self-help Humorists Gifts

The Nantucket Treatment Center for people pathologically incapable of picking out an even halfway good movie at a video store.

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

Dummies for Dummies.

New from Lockdown Press

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

'She says she has a prenatal appointment.'

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

'That reminds me - your hospital appointment is next week.'

Bald man polishing head

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"Early Bird, you need to go easy on the worms."

"At least you made it into the hallway."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

New years resolutions

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

"Guess who's shot to number one in the charts. The Cure."

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

'Is that the trebuchet?'

We can identify the genetic root of many problems... however your husbands being a long strak of water isn't one of them!

Narcissus

'Oh, Freud is too darn hard to read -- I switched to Dr. Phil years ago.'

"Look, you always hated the wicker furniture and bamboo is scarce, so consider it a win-win."

You know you're middle aged...

It's not catching, is it? - The doctor hates to catch things.

!I haven't a clue what they are, but I don't like the look of them."