Self-help Humorists Pillows

The Nantucket Treatment Center for people pathologically incapable of picking out an even halfway good movie at a video store.

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

Dummies for Dummies.

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

New from Lockdown Press

'She says she has a prenatal appointment.'

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Bald man polishing head

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"At least you made it into the hallway."

'That reminds me - your hospital appointment is next week.'

"Early Bird, you need to go easy on the worms."

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

New years resolutions

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

"Guess who's shot to number one in the charts. The Cure."

'Is that the trebuchet?'

Narcissus

We can identify the genetic root of many problems... however your husbands being a long strak of water isn't one of them!

Let's start a book group to read stuff that will help us cope with our lives. Like? You know: Self-help books on housekeeping, child-rearing and navigating difficult workplace situations. Suggestions? Yeah. Jane Eyre, Gone with the Wind and The Devil Wears Prada. The great books series.

'Oh, Freud is too darn hard to read -- I switched to Dr. Phil years ago.'

You know you're middle aged...

"Look, you always hated the wicker furniture and bamboo is scarce, so consider it a win-win."

It's not catching, is it? - The doctor hates to catch things.