Self-improvement Humorist Pillows

New years resolutions

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Dummies for Dummies.

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

Next, I remember looking down and thinking, man, those pants make my butt look huge.

Bald man polishing head

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

'Is that the trebuchet?'

"The Seven Warning Signs of Seven Warning Signs"

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

Narcissus

Bart firmly believes that he is the result of intelligent design.

"I'm at the office party."

!I haven't a clue what they are, but I don't like the look of them."

"I seem to bring out the worst in people."

'That's your limescale problem sorted.'

Narcissus visits the ophthalmologist

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

"I asked You, in the nicest possible way, to make me a better person, but apparently You couldn't be bothered."

Newspaper circulation gauge.

Still fits like a glove after all these years!

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

"I've just joined a support group for boring people."

"The only thing I notice thinning is my hair."

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

Man nails in a picture of boxing wearing boxing gloves.

"On reflection I think that delegating my life was probably a bad idea."

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

"I'm giving up begging, fags and booze...looks like I'll have to go back home to the wife and kids."

'Dude, I'm getting sooo hammered at this party!'

'I can feel a hundred eyes drilling into my bald spot.'

'I'm still having self-loathing issues... today I un-friended myself...'