Self-esteem Humorist Pillows

'I can feel a hundred eyes drilling into my bald spot.'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

Dummies for Dummies.

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

Next, I remember looking down and thinking, man, those pants make my butt look huge.

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Bald man polishing head

100% Bombast-Filled Parka

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

New years resolutions

Narcissus

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"I really am very pleased with the dress I bought. It makes me feel not so dumpy and without."

'Does what's left of my bum look big in that?'

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'

"I seem to bring out the worst in people."

Narcissus visits the ophthalmologist

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

"I asked You, in the nicest possible way, to make me a better person, but apparently You couldn't be bothered."

"Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn't enough."

Still fits like a glove after all these years!

'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

'Honey, does the wild pig that I swallowed whole for lunch make me look fat? No, dear, it's just the lighting.

"The only thing I notice thinning is my hair."

"Oh, come on! At least tell me I'm in the top fifty fairest people in the land!"

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'