Home Remedy Humorist Gifts

"According to medical science, brandy can't cure the common cold!" "Neither can medical science!"

"I couldn't remember if I'm supposed to feed a cold, or starve a cold, so I decided to drown it."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

Medicinal plants

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'Actually, it's good, old fashioned, chicken soup.'

Dummies for Dummies.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'No it's still not fixed'

Modern Witch Shoppe

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

How to Build a Bungalow

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'She let the bedbugs bite.'