Self-love Humorist Gifts

'Know your problem? You're a narcissist.'

Narcissus

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

Dummies for Dummies.

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending" yourself on Facebook."

"It's not what you think."

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

Next, I remember looking down and thinking, man, those pants make my butt look huge.

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

Bald man polishing head

New years resolutions

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

Narcissus

'Egomania, you say? How on earth did you diagnose me so quickly?'

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"I was thinking more of a leap-year wedding."

Honk if you *heart* yourself.

'I said he could sleep with me... well... he's asleep.'

Cupid accidentally kills one of his targets.

"You're a pig in bed."