Self-reflection Humorist Gifts

Still fits like a glove after all these years!

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

The Quack Quack Diaries: The George Broderick Diaries

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

Next, I remember looking down and thinking, man, those pants make my butt look huge.

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

'Relax! I just read somewhere that 142 pounds is the new 125!'

New years resolutions

'I'm texting my inner child.'

Narcissus

"I seem to bring out the worst in people."

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'

'Are you the same guy who's in the bathroom mirror?'

I call it "Self-portrait in Quicksand."

"Somehow, I still feel insignificant."

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

'Lets talk about this rampant egotism of yours.'

What's wrong, little buddy? Some stupid kid called me "old." I'm young! I've been young all my life! I'm good at it. I know all about being young. I've been young since way before he was even born. He's just jealous that I'm more experienced at it than he is. Might be time for us to have a little talk.

'I can feel a hundred eyes drilling into my bald spot.'

'I was so unpopular as a child, even my imaginary friend wouldn't play with me.'

Narcissus looks at his reflection in a pool of water; he is wearing a shirt that reads "Narcissus" written backwards so that he can read it properly in his reflection

In case of emergency, break silence.

"If I were a narcissist, I assure you I would be the first to know!"

'It says it's the inner value that count. Unfortunately for you it's true.'

"Damn straight we're the only forms of intelligent life in the universe!"

"I need to look younger because I'm incredibly immature for my age."

"Oh, just picking up the pieces of my life after a really traumatic haircut."