Reflective Humorist Gifts

Mirror, mirror, in the frame, give me someone I can blame.

'Are you the same guy who's in the bathroom mirror?'

'I'm texting my inner child.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Optimist

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."