Analytic Humorist Gifts

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Archimedes statue with a lever

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Zenemies.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"The Eggsorcist"

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Optimist

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

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