Analytic Humorist Gifts

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Archimedes statue with a lever

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"The Eggsorcist"

Zenemies.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Optimist

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."