Scholarly Humorist Gifts

"At this school we stress critical thinking. And right now I'm very critical of your thinking."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Gee, thanks pal."

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Archimedes statue with a lever

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Optimist

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"