Humor Scholars Gifts

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

Zenemies.

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

Ruddy bloggers!

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

'Oh that?... It has nothing to do with the formula; it just makes the whole thing seem less grumpy.'

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Although your discovery is very important, the consensus is that your article about it lacked suspense, and was completely devoid of humor."

Man behind stage to lady about professor with person under podium: 'That's Professor Allen's understudy.'

"Eureka! The key of H!"