Humor Studies Gifts

"It seems that I cannot look them in the eye without prompting confrontation..." "What are you lookin' at?"

"To summarize: the visual joke brings on a very fast reaction, but the verbal joke is remembered longer."

Billy. The Kid.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

Ruddy bloggers!

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Aggression/Security

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'