Seeking Humor In Tough Times Gifts

'This divorce is so bitter I hope he wants it so bad he can taste it.'

British savings accounts

"My instagram feed is basically people, dog food, and tennis balls."

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

My Folks, dressed up like Eskimos

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

First Market Decline

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

"I bark and I bark and I bark, and yet, somehow, I'm still unhappy."

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

"Apparently, the new boss isn't exactly a barrel of laughs."

'Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you about a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots.'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

'What I want for Christmas is a bigger carrot'

Shoveling Snow

"We moved to the sea to get away from the crowd, only to find they'd moved to the sea."

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

'Sales of new homes are plummeting. I suggest we build old homes.'

'The way things are going in the building trade we are never going to be part of a demolition project in our life time.'

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is he died laughing before her could tell anybody.'

'So, Mr. Ross, you want us all to believe this murder was just a 'mistake'? Come on, Bob. Don't you really mean a 'happy little accident''

Bankruptcy court

'I'm sorry, Rendleman - But in this economy we just can't justify a company poet.'