Humor In Adversity Gifts

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Then again, it probably wasn't that bad. I do tend to exaggerate.'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

Shoveling Snow

British savings accounts

Our super-heroes bravely battling a brutally blustery day!

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

I don't understand why I need a referral from my primary-care doctor to see a specialist I've already seen, who told me himself to come back for a follow-up visit. That's just the way it works. You'll also need a referral from your tailor before we can put you in a hospital gown.

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

Mourning Pens

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'Business is so bad even the shoplifters have stopped coming.'

"You have three weeks to live, and I'm afraid they're in Feburary."

'Misfortune Cookies: A piano will fall on your motorcycle in the near future.'

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

'Not only did life pass me by, it HIP-CHECKED me!'

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

Insurance Claims Offices: Push and Pull the Other One!

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"You're it!"

Oil Pressure.

Plumbers. I said Ernie is a perfectionist, not a competent perfectionist!

'My life was shipshape until that iceberg came along.'

'This divorce is so bitter I hope he wants it so bad he can taste it.'