Those Who Find Humor In Adversity Gifts

'Not only did life pass me by, it HIP-CHECKED me!'

"Hey! These are still good!!"

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

Shoveling Snow

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Rapunzel's migraines completely vanished since she started dating Ted from the airport.'

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

"Attendance is way up since they substituted fortune cookies for those funny little wafers."

'What happened? Last week's sermon was about money being the root of all evil.'

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

"Go deep."

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

McWit's Childproof Drugs

Thousands of people gathered today to protest the nation's laws on marijuana, when suddenly everybody lost interest and ended up in a local Denny's.

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

'Then again, it probably wasn't that bad. I do tend to exaggerate.'

"Your Grandfather's gone to a better place."

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

"You have three weeks to live, and I'm afraid they're in Feburary."

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

'Have you tried watching C-SPAN?'

Street vendors

Man in desert sees a man selling gloves, knee pads and shoes.

Insurance Claims Offices: Push and Pull the Other One!

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"You're it!"

'Please give me patience and give it immediately!'