Those Who Find Humor In Adversity Pillows

'Not only did life pass me by, it HIP-CHECKED me!'

"Hey! These are still good!!"

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

I don't understand why I need a referral from my primary-care doctor to see a specialist I've already seen, who told me himself to come back for a follow-up visit. That's just the way it works. You'll also need a referral from your tailor before we can put you in a hospital gown.

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

Shoveling Snow

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Rapunzel's migraines completely vanished since she started dating Ted from the airport.'

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

"Attendance is way up since they substituted fortune cookies for those funny little wafers."

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'What happened? Last week's sermon was about money being the root of all evil.'

"Go deep."

Thousands of people gathered today to protest the nation's laws on marijuana, when suddenly everybody lost interest and ended up in a local Denny's.

McWit's Childproof Drugs

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

'Then again, it probably wasn't that bad. I do tend to exaggerate.'

"Your Grandfather's gone to a better place."

"You have three weeks to live, and I'm afraid they're in Feburary."

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

'Have you tried watching C-SPAN?'

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

Street vendors

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

Man in desert sees a man selling gloves, knee pads and shoes.

Insurance Claims Offices: Push and Pull the Other One!

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"You're it!"

Blessed are those who hunger, for they are sticking to their diet plan.