Second Job Gifts

'It's a side gig.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

37 years in the same position.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."