Seasoned Sportsman Gifts

'Yes, it is last year's hunting license, but I'm only hunting the ones I missed last year.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Football Chameleon

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"How should we divide the teams?"

Ratminton

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

A day at the transgenic races

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Gary turns 40.

Saving a Heart

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Raheem Sterling