Competitive Sports Enthusiast Gifts

'Getting rid of Lance Armstrong is a shot in the arm for cycling. . .If I may rephrase that. . .'

'Don't worry about the loss. At 143.75, if you gain 3 ounces, we can try for the light junior welter super bantam title.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Can our software do that?'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Football Chameleon

If nobody had invented graphics

Putin and Zelensky

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

A day at the transgenic races

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Ratminton

Raheem Sterling

"How should we divide the teams?"

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Gary turns 40.

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Saving a Heart

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."