Seasonal Commentator Gifts

"So what do you think about this Christmas thing?"

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I think you're ace

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"No, Doris, not implants!"

Kenny Dalglish

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"We're freaky February hares, the mad march ones have vanished due to global warming."

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Tennis ball girl.

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.