Seasonal Commentator Gifts

"So what do you think about this Christmas thing?"

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

I think you're ace

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

"No, Doris, not implants!"

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

"We're freaky February hares, the mad march ones have vanished due to global warming."

Tennis ball girl.

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

American Football.

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'