Script Stylist Gifts

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Mensa Does Improv

Present Tense/Present Simple/Present Progressive/Present Perfect/Present Past.

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

Hollywood producer.

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Hollywood producer.

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

'Hang on a minute...'

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"Great money scenes!"

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."