Schoolyard Tactician Gifts

I rule by fear.

"Looks like Zack Morgan has learned to fight back. Try taking Roger Cooper's lunch money instead."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Recess does things to a man."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

Will eat your homework for $.

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

I miss recess!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

'For show and tell today I've brought in the report cards of our teacher, which I downloaded!'

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

Littletown High School. And that's where Bubba Parker stomped me

'No sir, we're not boarding a flight. My teacher just needs to check my homework in my my dog Sam here, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.'

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."

"I'd trade, but peanut butter sticks to my tongue stud."

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

"Yes, it's report card time again."

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'