Schoolyard Tactician Pillows

I rule by fear.

"Looks like Zack Morgan has learned to fight back. Try taking Roger Cooper's lunch money instead."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Recess does things to a man."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

I miss recess!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'For show and tell today I've brought in the report cards of our teacher, which I downloaded!'

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"I'd trade, but peanut butter sticks to my tongue stud."

"Yes, it's report card time again."

"Listen kid, you may have been a big man on playground."

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

'Your poll numbers were great during recess, but voter apathy at nap time cost you the election.'