Schoolyard Strategists Pillows

"If by 'extortion' you mean paying me to find out what Susie said about you, then yes, this is extortion."

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

I rule by fear.

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

"We were running late, so my mom faxed me to school."

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'That's the bell for round two.'

'...All profits are local.'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

'I don't have a dog, but I do have a dog app that eats my homework.'

"I try to get a head start on them."

"Homework is work, and work without breaks is a federal offense that can be reported to the labor board."

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

Principal with 'budget cuts' in-tray and 'creative solutions' out-tray.

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'