Schoolyard Strategists Gifts

"If by 'extortion' you mean paying me to find out what Susie said about you, then yes, this is extortion."

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

Will eat your homework for $.

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

I rule by fear.

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"We were running late, so my mom faxed me to school."

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'That's the bell for round two.'

'...All profits are local.'

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

'I don't have a dog, but I do have a dog app that eats my homework.'

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

'No sir, we're not boarding a flight. My teacher just needs to check my homework in my my dog Sam here, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.'

"I try to get a head start on them."

Soccer Moms

"Homework is work, and work without breaks is a federal offense that can be reported to the labor board."

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

Principal with 'budget cuts' in-tray and 'creative solutions' out-tray.