Schoolyard Tacticians Gifts

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

Will eat your homework for $.

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

I rule by fear.

'It's Johnny Taylor's snowsuit, but I don't think he's in there.'

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

'No sir, we're not boarding a flight. My teacher just needs to check my homework in my my dog Sam here, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.'

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."

"Yes, it's report card time again."

"I'd trade, but peanut butter sticks to my tongue stud."

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"This tantrum has been powerful, honest and riveting, and I think we should just give him what he wants."

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

"Listen kid, you may have been a big man on playground."

Rosewood Elementary E. Osgood Principal. I know you'll tell my parents about this, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell Santa.

"I'm sorry, but Woolfsey Academy expects a basic level of preparation from its candidates. Mistaking vermilion for scarlet? I don't think so.".

Chess Chef

'Your poll numbers were great during recess, but voter apathy at nap time cost you the election.'

Giggling during the debate didn't cost you the election. The mile coming out of your nose cost you the election.

'Yeah, girls smell good, but don't let THAT fool you!'

"What a day. I played tag, a yucky girl kissed me, and I got the school's computers back online."