Schoolyard Tacticians Gifts

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

I rule by fear.

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

'It's Johnny Taylor's snowsuit, but I don't think he's in there.'

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

'Quick! Get me the dispute resolution mediator!'

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."

"I'd trade, but peanut butter sticks to my tongue stud."

"Yes, it's report card time again."

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"This tantrum has been powerful, honest and riveting, and I think we should just give him what he wants."

"Listen kid, you may have been a big man on playground."

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

"I'm sorry, but Woolfsey Academy expects a basic level of preparation from its candidates. Mistaking vermilion for scarlet? I don't think so.".

Giggling during the debate didn't cost you the election. The mile coming out of your nose cost you the election.

'Yeah, girls smell good, but don't let THAT fool you!'

Chess Chef

"What a day. I played tag, a yucky girl kissed me, and I got the school's computers back online."

'Your poll numbers were great during recess, but voter apathy at nap time cost you the election.'

'My dad wants a word with you!'