Toddler Tactician Gifts

'Statistically, drooling is only cute for the first six months. After that we'll have to start screaming in public to get any kind of attention.'

"This tantrum has been powerful, honest and riveting, and I think we should just give him what he wants."

'Max, the rubber band gun is an outside toy...and you can't shoot it at people.'

"I'm sorry, but Woolfsey Academy expects a basic level of preparation from its candidates. Mistaking vermilion for scarlet? I don't think so.".

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

Super-Papi moves swiftly to defeat the evil Electronico!

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

I rule by fear.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Carlo Ancelotti

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

The Use of Cavalry

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

Kosovo.

Cot Escape.

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"I try to get a head start on them."

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."

"Now we have all your arrows!"

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

"Isn't it about time you tidied up around here...?"

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

"I thought it was just the cap that was child-resistant."

'The only imaginable solution to this problem is a battle to the death.'

Sports Medicine

'We want the kids to buy it so we can't play up the fact that it's educational in nature.'

"I can't stand the way it's taunting us!"

"I don't even like toys. I just do this so people won't talk to me."

"The play date's breaking up early due to creative differences."