Schoolyard Strategist Gifts

'My dad wants a word with you!'

"Oh, heavens no. I was merely speaking figuratively when I said that I wanted to break every bone in his body."

"I don't have a problem with bullies. I tell them my mom's a lawyer and they leave me alone."

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

'With Jesse Caldwell trasferring to another school, I've been promoted in the playground pecking order.'

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

"Just a heads-up...trying to bribe her with cafeteria tater tots doesn't work."

"Well, you call it note-passing and whispering. We call it networking."

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space...then you guys can play tag."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

Teacher's Lounge: Exit At Your Own Risk.

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

"I told you he was teacher's pet."

"There are rumours circulating around the school that the Russian exchange student helped you to become class president."

"Hi, Mrs. Barnes, this is Anne, Tom's school teacher. He sent his drone disguised as him again."

"I don't have a problem with bullies. I just tell them my mom is a lawyer."

"I'm kind of a teacher's pet. I'm always in her doghouse."

"That's one of the populist kids."

"I'd trade, but peanut butter sticks to my tongue stud."

'Mrs, Finnegan put me in the accelerated recess program'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

'The bullies tend to avoid me, so if you become my friend, they'll leave you alone...'

'He's telling you the truth, he doesn't have his lunch money today. He invested it in my services.'

Giggling during the debate didn't cost you the election. The mile coming out of your nose cost you the election.

'My dog ate my hit list.'

'Yeah, girls smell good, but don't let THAT fool you!'

SPOT BELOVED COMPANION 2004-2010, 'I told you not to let him eat your homework!'

'Stop bothering me or you'll have to deal with my thirty six brothers!'

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

"Oh yeah, well I bet my Dad's got more second families than your Dad."

"Yes, it's report card time again."

'Your poll numbers were great during recess, but voter apathy at nap time cost you the election.'

"So what if he paid a classmate to do his homework – it was his own allowance."