Playground Tacticians Gifts

"If by 'extortion' you mean paying me to find out what Susie said about you, then yes, this is extortion."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

he tries to fly all the time but actually never gets airborne

Dog helps girl jumprope with wagging tail affixed to rope.

Alternative fielding positions

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

"He's only energetic on sunny days."

'Ready Mum?'

Vinnie's Billiards: 'Heck of a break, Ron!'

Converted Parking Garage

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

Office Park

I rule by fear.

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

Mother pushes twins on a double-decker swing.

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Early on, Billy learned the value of a good slide presentation.

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

"Goo-goo, ga-ga!"

"Tell the truth, Ezra. Does it look like he's being a more effective parent than me?"

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Turn Down For What.

Yo Yo Tricks.

Fade to black...

'What a control freak!'

'You take that back! My mom is too a virgin.'

"If we didn't send them out to recess after lunch, they wouldn't be full of solar energy all afternoon."

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'